With who” and “with whom” may look like a tiny grammar choice, but they can make your sentence sound either casual or formal. Both expressions are commonly heard, yet traditional grammar rules favor one in certain situations.
The confusion comes from the difference between who and whom. “Who” is generally used as a subject, while “whom” is used as an object. Since the word “with” is a preposition, traditional grammar usually recommends “with whom” after it.
In modern English, however, “with who” is increasingly common in everyday speech and informal writing. In this guide, you’ll learn the clear difference between with who vs. with whom, when each form is appropriate, and which option you should use in 2026.
Quick Answer
“With whom” is grammatically correct in formal English, while “with who” is common in informal speech and modern writing.
“Whom” is used when the pronoun is the object of a preposition like with, but in casual English, many speakers prefer “who” because it feels more natural and less formal.
Quick Comparison Table
| Feature | With Who | With Whom |
| Grammar role | Informal usage | Formal correct usage |
| Object/subject rule | Often incorrect in formal grammar | Correct (object of preposition) |
| Formality level | Casual, spoken English | Academic, professional writing |
| Common usage | Very common in speech | Common in writing and exams |
| Regional usage | Global informal English | Global standard English |
| Preferred context | Conversations, texting | Essays, reports, official writing |
How Are “Who” and “Whom” Pronounced?
Both words are pronounced almost the same in everyday speech, which is one reason confusion exists.
IPA Pronunciation
- Who: /huː/
- Whom: /huːm/
Syllable Breakdown
- Who → single syllable: who
- Whom → single syllable: wh-oom
Pronunciation Note
In fast spoken English, “whom” often sounds identical to “who,” which is why many people ignore the grammatical distinction in conversation.
Meaning and Usage
Meaning of “Who”
“Who” is a pronoun used for the subject of a sentence.
Examples:
- Who is calling you?
- Who made this decision?
- Who is coming with you?
Meaning of “Whom”
“Whom” is a pronoun used for the object of a verb or preposition.
Examples:
- To whom did you speak?
- With whom are you traveling?
- Whom did you invite?
Main Difference Between “With Who” and “With Whom”
| Feature | With Who | With Whom |
| Grammar function | Subject form used incorrectly in formal English | Object form used correctly after prepositions |
| Preposition rule | Ignored | Correct usage after “with” |
| Sentence structure | Informal | Formal and grammatically precise |
| Example | Who are you with who? ❌ | Who are you with whom? ✔ |
Grammar Rule Section
To understand the difference, you must know how subject and object pronouns work.
Subject Pronouns
Used when the pronoun performs the action:
- I
- He
- She
- We
- They
- Who
Example:
- Who called you?
Object Pronouns
Used when the pronoun receives the action:
- Me
- Him
- Her
- Us
- Them
- Whom
Example:
- You called whom?
Rule for “With Whom”
“Whom” is used because “with” is a preposition, and prepositions always take object pronouns.
Correct:
- With whom are you going?
Incorrect:
- With who are you going?
Origin and Etymology
The words “who” and “whom” come from Old English:
- “Who” comes from hwa meaning “what person”
- “Whom” comes from the dative/accusative form of hwa
Historically, English had a complex case system similar to German or Latin. Over time, English simplified, but remnants like “whom” remain in formal grammar.
Today, spoken English is moving toward simplification, reducing the use of “whom” in casual contexts.
Dictionary Comparison
Oxford Dictionary
- Recognizes “whom” as grammatically correct object form
- Notes “who” is often used informally instead of “whom”
Cambridge Dictionary
- Accepts both in usage
- Highlights that “whom” is formal and less common in speech
Merriam-Webster
- States “whom” is becoming less common
- Notes “who” is widely used in spoken English even when technically incorrect
Collins Dictionary
- Emphasizes modern English preference for “who”
- Marks “whom” as formal or old-fashioned in many contexts
Are Both Words Correct?
Yes—both “who” and “whom” are correct, but they are not interchangeable in formal grammar.
- “Who” = modern, informal, widely used
- “Whom” = grammatically precise, formal English
In everyday communication, “who” often replaces “whom,” but in academic or professional writing, “whom” is still preferred in specific grammatical positions.
British vs American English
| Aspect | British English | American English |
| “Whom” usage | More common in formal writing | Less commonly used |
| Spoken English | Rare | Very rare |
| Informal usage | “Who” preferred | “Who” strongly preferred |
| Academic writing | Still standard | Still standard but declining |
Overall, American English has moved further away from “whom” in everyday usage.
Which Form Is More Common?
Modern usage trends show:
- Websites: “who” dominates
- Social media: “who” almost universal
- Newspapers: mixed but leaning toward “who”
- Academic writing: “whom” still present
Conclusion: “Who” is far more common globally, especially in digital communication.
When Should You Use Each Word?
Academic Writing
Use “whom” after prepositions:
- With whom did you collaborate?
Professional Writing
Prefer “whom” in formal reports:
- The manager, with whom the contract was signed, approved it.
Casual Writing
Use “who”:
- Who are you going with?
Journalism
- Formal articles may still use “whom”
- Headlines and quotes usually use “who”
Common Mistakes
Mistake 1
❌ Who did you speak with whom?
✔ Who did you speak with?
Mistake 2
❌ With who are you going?
✔ With whom are you going? (formal) / Who are you going with? (informal)
Mistake 3
❌ Whom is coming to the meeting?
✔ Who is coming to the meeting?
Real-Life Examples
Formal
- With whom did you share the document?
- The professor, with whom I studied, is retired.
Informal
- Who are you going with?
- Who did you hang out with?
Synonyms
For “Who”
- Which person
- What person
For “Whom”
- To whom
- For whom
- The person who receives action
Antonyms
Neither word has true antonyms, but in structure:
- Subject form ↔ Object form
Memory Trick
Use this simple trick:
👉 If you can replace it with him/her, use whom
👉 If you can replace it with he/she, use who
Example:
- You went with him → With whom you went ✔
- He is coming → Who is coming ✔
Similar Confusing Words
- Who vs Whom
- Who vs That
- Whose vs Who’s
- With who vs to whom
- Who vs which
Why Do People Search “With Who or With Whom”?
People search this keyword because:
- They want grammar clarification
- They are writing essays or emails
- They are preparing for exams (IELTS, TOEFL, GRE)
- They are unsure about formal vs informal English
Common search queries:
- Is it with who or with whom correct?
- Difference between who and whom
- When to use whom in a sentence
- Is whom still used in English?
FAQs
1. Is “with who” correct?
Yes, in informal English, but it is not grammatically formal.
2. Is “with whom” always correct?
Yes, in formal grammar when referring to the object of a preposition.
3. Which one should I use in exams?
Use “with whom” for formal accuracy.
4. Do native speakers still use “whom”?
Yes, but mostly in formal writing.
5. Is “whom” disappearing?
It is becoming less common in spoken English.
6. Why is “who” more popular?
Because modern English favors simplicity.
7. Can I always use “who” instead of “whom”?
In casual speech, yes—but not in formal writing.
8. Is “with whom” old-fashioned?
It is formal, not outdated.
9. What is the easiest way to learn?
Replace with he/him test.
10. Which is better in 2026?
“Who” is more common; “whom” is more grammatically precise.
Expert Recommendation
Grammar experts and style guides agree:
- Use “whom” in formal writing, academic papers, and official documents
- Use “who” in speech and informal writing
- Modern English is shifting toward “who,” but “whom” remains important for precision
Final Verdict
The confusion between “with who” and “with whom” comes from the evolution of English grammar. While both are widely understood, they serve different purposes.
Key Takeaways
- “Who” = informal, modern usage
- “Whom” = formal, grammatically correct object form
- “With whom” is preferred in formal English
- “With who” is common in spoken English
- Context determines correctness
Practical Advice
- Use “who” in everyday communication
- Use “whom” in exams, essays, and professional writing
English is evolving—but understanding both forms makes your writing more confident, flexible, and accurate.
I’ve dedicated my career to making English grammar approachable for everyone. I know how intimidating grammar rules can feel, so I focus on practical examples and real-life applications that I personally use every day. My books, Grammar in Action and Clear Writing, Confident Speaking, reflect my hands-on approach to learning. When I’m not writing, I explore linguistic trends, and I’m always on the lookout for ways to make language fun and empowering for learners.
Lisa Thornton
John Mercer